People say, ”I’m in a relationship.” or  “My relationship is messy.” Defining the word relationship on its very face may seem straightforward, but try to define relationship in a single sentence. What is a relationship and how can we improve it?

Romantic involvements are a type of relationship of course, but other types may be as deeply entangled in very different ways such as in the workplace, therapeutic settings, clubs and social organizations, schools, etc. Friendships are a type of relationship that may be surfacey or extremely deep and murky.  Family relationships exist from child-parent, to sibling, to grandparent-grandchild. Each of those relationships changes. or should change. as we age. Relationship is a single word that has meanings and implications that run the gamut in context but the word alone, in and of itself, is actually meaningless.

Social researchers offer insight into how we use and need various types of relationships in our lives and how to promote better relationships to make us better human beings. Top ten lists in our news feeds bullet and highlight relationship tips. But are relationships really all that complicated?  Are relationships really necessary at all? Can’t we simplify and boil it all down to a tidy, be respectful, be kind, be nice? Do we have to have a different flavor for every single relationship? Boss-employee, star-adoring fan, Mom-son, Father-daughter?  Why can’t human beings just be kind, and respectful and decent? Do there have to be so many different nuances and subtleties? Is all the complexity necessary?

When we relate to another individual, why can’t we do it exactly the same way every time? Why do the rules have to change?  If every individual related to every other individual with kindness, respect, and compassion and the playing field was always the same levelness, the game of life would go much more smoothly and humanely.  If I, as a mother, treated my son or my daughter with a sense of consideration and kindness that I would want extended to myself, and I did not take on a role at all of Mother, but simply human, I would relate in a way that is authentic and honest and appropriate.  

Relationships are difficult and complex because we make them that way, not because it is inherent.

Is there a relationship you can imagine that would not benefit from kindness, honesty, and compassion?