A crooked backed man with a dirty face and ragged clothes smiles and steps aside to allow the younger man to pass through the opened door ahead of him.  He heads into the cool public library out of the sweltering Virginian summer and steps into the stacks where he pauses to gaze sidelong at the titles on the shelf.  His leathery brown hand touches the spines and he selects an old favorite.  Ray Bradbury’s, Dandelion Wine.  It is a story that reminds him of his youth and he sits down happily in the chair closest to him to lose the old man of the present in those memories of days past.  He is practicing compassion without comparison.   His compassion is for himself, allowing for a soft, gentle retreat from the hardships of reality to a place where he knows comfort and peace.  He does not compare the life of the boy to the man but enjoys it purely for itself.  Compassion without comparison can be an approach we can take to perceive not only experiences but people and places as well.

When you meet someone new and you quickly take in the clothing, the hairstyle, the age and the speech what do you do with all of that information?  Do you make assumptions and set your expectations?  The old man with the crooked back, was he a homeless guy, a gardener, a frugal old widower whose wife always picked out the clothes and reminded him to dress up?  Compassion for others allows room to step back from appraisal to allow time for more information and details to emerge before assigning any value or label.

How can compassion without comparison be extended to oneself? When critical self-talk comes as a result of measuring oneself to the standards set by others or our own internal yardsticks, stop. Comparison between individuals is as nonsensical as comparison between two colored leaves from the same tree.  The colors that emerge in the foliage are not inherently good or bad they just are.  We cannot know the individual’s worth by a single measure. Compassion allows for an individual to stand in his own right. Comparison is a judgment  we make.  Compassion for ourselves is allowing our unique qualities and attributes to stand for themselves.  Comparison only yields gaps and perceived lack. 

Attempt then to lead with compassion in the future.  If you find that you are looking for gaps or flaws you are comparing.  We can assess and take stock without comparing.  We can measure where the individual came from and where he plans to go.  We can assess how she has grown or maneuvered within her own life.  That is compassionate.

How will you choose to greet the next stranger you meet?  Will you let him or her stand in his or her own shoes and tell you the story, or will you compare that individual to an unfair and inexact shadowy standard?