First impressions may not be accurate but they are undoubtedly important.  Recently I asked a person quite close to me to consider one impression he initially had of me but which changed or was untrue as he came to know me better.  His response was a little surprising to me.  He said that he thought I was tough and strong when he first met me but as we grew closer he realized that I was fragile and delicate.  Strength and resilience have very different definitions for me today. My surprise to his response was that his definition of strength today does not now match the definition of strength that I have come to understand.

The appearance of strength was very important to me as a young woman.  I worked hard to portray that, often to my own detriment.  The strength I displayed back in those days was my strength of opinions and convictions and the ability to do for myself.  As an example, the words neediness and vulnerability were the same thing to me then.  Gentle compassion for oneself was the worst!  There was a time when I could not have strung those two words, gentle and compassion, together in reference to myself. That phrase would have been tantamount to admitting to complete self indulgence. I displayed strength as a defense to anyone looking too closely at me for too long.  Ironically, my strength it turns out, has been in developing my natural compassion and the delicate, emotional underbelly that I was hiding in my youth behind my appearance of strength.    

So, it turns out that I am stronger than I ever really knew.  I have the strength to willingly let go of my opinions now and listen openly to others’.  I have acquired the strength to go beyond my initial impressions of people to witness the things that they are hiding or masking.  I have learned to find the strength to be tolerant and patient in the face of annoyance and ignorance.  What I used to believe made me strong, tough words, a sarcastic humor, and strong opinions, were merely defense mechanisms to prevent others and myself from seeing and admitting to my own faults and weaknesses.  Today I can acknowledge those things readily and accept that with effort they can be changed too.  

Strength and resilience are things we as humans develop and build through trial, challenge, and struggle. I believe that what many people perceive as their strength, strong words, unwavering opinions and unyielding blame, is a  facade which is holding them back from developing true strength and resilience.  Accepting the weaknesses and fears and softer spots in our armor and strengthening those with the guidance and support of true loving critics is the way forward.

What can you strengthen?  What true talent and virtue do you hold that can only grow if you exercise it and share it?