The knife that is wedged between my shoulder blades deepens as  I struggle to shake loose from the grip of strong arms holding me. Then, merely by opening my eyes and untangling  from the twisted hot blankets on my bed, I am calmed by a returning presence. Blinking away the sleep and letting in the morning rays I take in the surroundings of my room and allow the illusion to lift and me to return to a presence which suggests an altogether different story.  The knife in my back is a remnant of yesterday’s workout. The returning presence is the reality of the moment. The moment we wake from sleep and know that this weird newness is our returning presence and not a crazy dream.

Some of us are finding time to work out harder and longer and do things that we have put off doing. Some of us are curling up all day long on the couch with our computer and our headphones while the dog snoozes peacefully at our feet.  Some of us are still carrying out our old known routines despite the lack of traffic on the highways as we head to our jobs at the market or the hospital and have to listen to those who are laying around with their dog or finding the time to work out, complain or rejoice or just prattle on about the weirdness of it all. 

But each of us have only the moment.  Each of us exist in the present. This is the returning presence calling to us to  see it and use it and acknowledge it. Andy Puddicombe and Eckhart Tolle and Thich Nhat Hahn exhort us all to pay attention to the breath and in that, the very moment that we might otherwise simply let pass.  These are the teachers who I have been listening to for a few years now and their teachings are serving me quite well in these strange new times.  

The returning presence is the moment we understand how calm and clarity comes from drawing in a deep breath and being aware of the moment at hand.  Focus only on the present. It is all we have. Recognize life as it exists and is, exactly now as we breathe in and then out. The past and the future have been holding us captive and this weirdness that we know NOW demands our attention.  A returning presence, brought to us by the coronavirus like some weird sponsor of “NOW”.    

I don’t love this killer among us.  I don’t enjoy the fear and paralysis it has caused. The returning presence it ushered in however, has been interesting.  I am afraid of the future at times and then I remember the breath and feel calmed. I am saddened at times at the years that are lost and remember again to breathe. Each time I breathe there is a delight in the return of the present.  That is it.

What brings peace and calm to you in these days?  What anchors have you found?