What is the difference between a hard truth and raw negativity?  Can you be honest with yourself about a character trait, a weakness you possess, or a challenge you face and own it as something you can change and improve upon if you try?  The difference between a hard truth and a negativity lies in the capacity for change. If someone pointed out to you all of the things that were wrong with you that you could not possibly effect – big feet, a weak chin, or wide set eyes, and criticized you for what you can’t possibly control, that is raw negativity.  If their intention in telling you that you are overweight, too loud, or too shy is simply to point out your weakness to make them feel stronger and better, that is negativity. Hard truths are the realities that we possess and have the power to change and improve upon should we choose to do so. Hard truths are the challenges and hurdles that offer chances for growth and betterment.  They are opportunities.  

What was the last hard truth you tried to tackle?  My hard truth for September has been presented to me by coworkers and friends. I am too blunt.  Wrapping challenges and obstacles in soft, downiness seems like a ridiculous waste of effort and time.  Handing another person a yummy looking croissant with a hidden bitter pill to swallow seems cruel and untruthful to me but it seems to be what many people need.  Evoking change by first calming and gaining trust is a necessity that I have overlooked and ignored. My hard truth is knowing that gentle, tenderness is not easy for me.  I am edgy and pointed.

I work with a woman who lovingly labors in making a shit cake seem delicious. She tops it with chocolate bits and puts tiny roses all around it before she serves it up.  She exudes tenderness, and warmth, and understanding and people go to her for a gentle, doey-eyed embrace, if even only in words and not in physicality. Her ability to do this is true and sincere.  She recognizes the need for the fluff. She needs these things from me as well and I have resisted and begrudged her for those needs but it is how she accepts the grit of life.

A wise eighteen year old I know has looked at some hard truths recently and has brought this topic to the forefront of my mind.  His hard truth to tackle came from a dear friend. This is often the case. A good friend, a caring boss or coworker, a family member who sees your struggle may present you with a hard truth.  Look at the intention behind it. Own it and embrace it as your next DIY project if it will make you a stronger, better human being. Set it down and walk away from it if the intention is merely to weaken you.  

The list of things “wrong with you” – big feet, weak chin, wide set eyes, are cosmetic and may not be things you can do anything about but the hard truths that come to you with genuine opportunity for betterment are gifts.  Take the next hard truth you are offered and thank the presenter for caring enough to make you a stronger, better person.