I know who I am. Who are you?
I know who I am. I truly understand myself. I am the foremost expert on Jill. After 52 years of study and research I can say with utmost certainty that I am the authority on me.
I don’t believe that I am the only person who can say such a thing about herself. There are others, I know, who can claim expertise on themselves as well. But I feel certain that there are far fewer authorities on self then there are of selves in total. I think most people remain in the dark, or partially so, because they tell themselves stories of who they are for many varied reasons; for protection, for comfort, for justification, or perhaps for survival.
For most of my life I have told myself stories as well to explain why I felt how I felt or thought what I thought. I was my absolute harshest critic. I turned to experts on behavior and the mind to explain me to myself. There were a tiny fistful of folks who had clues and suggestions for me but for the most part I got turned around and led astray and taken down avenues that only served to muddy further my understanding of me. I believed that the answers would come from a wise, knowing source who could see into my mind and my soul.
The wisdom came to me at last using some of the tools and bits of knowledge I’d gathered, But that wise knowing voice who spoke to me then was my own. Clarity came when I answered the hardest questions I had with complete honesty. I looked closely at my motivations for telling myself the stories I understood to be my truths. I focused on the world which is mine, where I had come from and where I was headed and I synthesized my emotional and rational intellects to make sense of exactly where I am now.
What about you? Do you ask yourself the really hard questions and answer as honestly as you can even if the answer is ugly and weak or contradicts what you show to others?
Where are you in your understanding of you? Do tell.
I have much difficulty asking that question, it is not the difficulty of asking, it seems I cannot come up with any answer. I do not mind digging but don’t have a shovel or even a spoon to begin.
Hmmm. Which question are you having difficulty with? Are you able to identify your strengths and weaknesses? I guess in my post I am saying that I believe that every individual can identify all of that if he or she so chooses. I would contend that you have the most complete “record” of you that exists. You know your past intimately and if you look at your life as objectively as you possibly can you will be the only one to truly have the means to determine who you have been and who you are at the moment. At that point, you can also begin to decide what you like and don’t like and start working on the you that you would like to be in the future. Perhaps I should revisit this particular post in a year to see if the “me” at the time of the writing still exists unchanged. I would like to believe there will be someone a little different when I go back. Better, I hope!